I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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