Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
