She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
