There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
