Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I touched a dick in church today
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
