worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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