whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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