Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
