My boss' voice literally gives me gas
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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