Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
