New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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