I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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