so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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