She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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