actually, I'm a sock model
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
