We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
