I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
