apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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