i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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