is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
