Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
