Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Sorry about my life...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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