2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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