well I can't set my house on fire every night
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
