the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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