i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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