I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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