I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
