The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
