This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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