well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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