Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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