Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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