I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
