Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
