I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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