So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
