grandma shit on top of the toilet
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
