I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
