Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
