She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
