yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
