U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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