the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
