tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
