Got a toothbrush?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We left the knife in your bed.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
