K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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