i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Also, beer. Big fan.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
