I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
