How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
