I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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